You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
