im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize