My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
