So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
