This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
