Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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