Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
