Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize