People in love make me want to vomit
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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