i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
