she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
