She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
