i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He shit in the fireplace
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
