Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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