This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
