I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
