Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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