I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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