be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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