Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
