maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
