Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
