No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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