wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
