On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
4 words: hood of his car
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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