The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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