im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
