just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you made out with another girl for some wings
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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