I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
