its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
