I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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