i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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