Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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