I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
