Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
