Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We left the knife in your bed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
