Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
