Please, let me fuck your mom
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
