My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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