I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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