Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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