You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
