You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
