I murdered the dance floor call the cops
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
