You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
