I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
