I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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