Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I stole a fireplace last night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
