so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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