In the future we'll all be gay
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
