I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize