ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
