I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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