**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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