The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize