Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
