Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize