brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
