I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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