I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
