I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
