He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
