There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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