when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
