told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
