last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
