OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
