It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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