Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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