I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
