I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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