the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
