If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
