Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize