super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize