i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
