Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
