How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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