does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
