Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
