oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
