I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
