Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
