i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize