omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
