yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
