Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
