He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
