Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize