You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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