dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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