I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize