Fine. I'll sleep in my office
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
