My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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