he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
