why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
