I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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