Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
