she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize