My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
