Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
